Love

Hi my angel, well just wanted to tell you my dear , as everything seem over as my dream is concerned, dont rate me as a selfish person who is finishing friendship just for my selfish motive. I am doing it because i dont want to make your life hell by pushing you and expecting more and more from you. this will badly hurt me as well yar. I dont know why but my mind has started to traet as a spouse for whom i cant imagine to ignore the care and love which i have. You would not be able to take that and my angel should not be hurt in this way. I respect your decision for not liking me as a special one in your life,may you get a more loving and a caring husband and a person who is true to you as always. I cant stop loving you my angel but i need to keep distance to respectfully let your decision implemented. you must have been correct in thinking in this way. i will try to get normal soon as possible and you too get fine with it and have a good time with your close ones. time se khana khaate rehna and health ka dhyan rakhiyo. there are enough caring people for you and they will surely help you to get full colours out of life. Sorry for this act of mine and i ll always love you... miss you yar and hope you get everything sweet in life....

Perseverence

well the things are not the same now...it has been a clear communication of my feelings for my angel. very happy that i have been able to tell each and everything to my angel. though i know it that things are still far from being possible. response from my angel's side has been again agonizing. i dont know why love increases when you know that things are not at all possible. may be my personality has always strived on things which are highly against the odds. I have decided now to keep my fight going till the time i completely loose everything. I am very happy that these days after i have shared my feelings with her, she has become more sweeter to me, even though i knw the reason why she is doing it, she does not want to loose me as a friend for life.
I got an indication of her non liking from her friend who told my angel is 100 percent sure that she does not feel anything for me nor she can generate any feeling for me in life. i knw my angel wants to see my happy so she stays with me as a good friend only,But, this thing would not trouble me now as i have decided to fight and surge ahead against all the odds. Its the battle between "me finishing my feelings" vs "she creating those feelings"... I am surely ready for the challenge and i am surely confident to win this battle for my life. I am a fighter and i am going to fight for my right. for my love, for my companion and for my angel. I knw she says it very confidently that she would never like me. but let me tell my angel that its a battle of wits and emotions and i am preparing myself day in and day out to conquer the thing i cherish the most. My love will not die my sweetest love and its gonna be there for you to accept always in your life............miss you

Hope

The trouble continues for me. dont know where my liffe is taking me and what am i thinking. Why do i feel so much love and care for someone for whom i never imagined earlier that this can happen. is it a crime to love someone who has been so close to you and have been really a part of life. why this has happened only from my side?? sometimes i wonder my looks, heart and my nature are not loveable. May be thats the point and the reason why i have been cornered. i know my angel is very upset whatever i said to her a day back but if she introspects and tries to think deeply she will get all the anwers. dont know when this will happen that i get the response from my angel the way that will just make my life happy. but i know that is more or less impossible the way she responds. i have been really surrounded by a chaotic situation where only way out is the response which is seeminlgy against my aspirations. why i was denied promise made by her to stay together more often these days to get closer in a better way. how can i show my intense and true love!!! its just not the other familiar crushes and attraction that are fantasized for few days and then forgotten rather this is the thing which is dreamt to be lived forever.
One things which i wanted my angel to know is that i cant be a normal friend anymore because in future when my angel gets engaged to some other men i would feel very shattered and being a person of weak heart i wont be able to take it anymore. may god create some feelings in her heart and may she realizes what does she mean to me and my life.

Indifferent

well its not so happy happy time as i feel sometime.my angel's behavior is though so generous it is sometimes so difficult to predict. Is it just humble or i what.. i Hope its not centric towrds her own beliefs and interest first.Unfortunately there have been lot of instances where this has been exhibited wherein i have played a catching game as a secondary person who is dancing to the tune of whatever my angel decides. But, i think its just because of my feelings for her rather her feeling anything for me .but, if i imagine this, i have come across such a situation where i was not having much feelings for the people, was i so less considerate!!! did i give pain to anyone by saying my mood is not good and i dont know the reason for that too.....its amazing how differently i have to act now where i dont show anything to her at all. i keep a happy face and try to feel light by writing it out or talking to my best frnds. slowly slowly i will start anticipating more and more despair if something super natural does not happen. i hope my angel realises this and at least tries to be a bit more heart feeling even like a good friend at least.... lets hope something happens for the better next day :)

pleasant surprise

It was another day which was going on without any kind of an excitement. Suddenly though the news came of arrival of the angel which was least expected. everything was filled with happiness and joy when i got the news that i am going to meet my angel soon. Was telling myself ten different things to prepare as normally as possible so as to make things comfortable and less burdened too. the journey for the dinner was sweeter than expected where both of us were so happy to have a sweet time together. dinner to was so nice in which we had some lovely glances towards each other. Though it was more illusive as i thought it the other way as always :) ......i dont know why but coming back is so painful when you know that you are about to be seperated in a while and would meet only the next day. It is so satisfying to see the angel online even though the thoughts in the mind make it apprehensive for me to ping her without any substantial reason. everything is somehow required to be so measured. calling up with all the guts to ask for a coffee is a hopeful activity which would be clarified within seconds if the wish to have a coffee together would be granted or not.one has to be brave to accept the angel would not be able to come for coffee as she is about to sleep. poor boy :(....... its ok. sacrificing is always charming when you know the other person also cares for you in her own special way. staring at the online written name and hoping that the status is always available is another act which is more hopeful rather than practical.. thats the way life goes on...what you like in life is always challenging and yet ever so auspicious....may i get something sweeter the next day :)

Tough

it has been a phase to struggle and try to keep up with an ever smiling face even if things are not working for me. sometimes there is such a big stress on mind that thnigs arent working out properly and the other person is not showing any response of progression or rather there is a big signal that things are deliberately tried to be finished by the other person. Well when one knows all this and yet one has to keep a smiling face with big heart in front of the other person, it becomes a task of despair and anguish. eventually i realized that only this which can be achieved now is the other persons happiness which will come if there is less disturbance for her. when you feel this pain you need to make sure that you dont tell even a single trouble to the other person even if you are heavily burdened in this load. thats how life goes sometimes. I must thank god that this strength has been given to me now where in i can show a brave face ahead and hide all these things. Happy to write this since this is a great way of speaking out everything which was meant to be told to her. She is a fantastic person and does everything with her own style. I know its tough for her also that she is not been able to keep up this friendship thing also due to these feelings which have come in my mind. But, there is no issue now, i think i have god the blessing of almighty now to carry on with this and not express it again. I wish all the happiness for my little angel and hope she does not feel any pain which i am suffering now. If u like someone, you need to concede too. My relegion teaches me to sacrifice and i beleive i am on the right track to do that.

feelings!!!!

this is after what we dreamt of achieving after coming here......frankly the feeling after the final placement has not been so special or it has not been the ultimate feeling to have. Even though one feels that the future is secure and professionally one has a decent stability, it puts the frame of mind to explore more about the personal relationship with the people. it happened with me too. crushes and attractions have always marked by life in a very interesting way. it has always helped me to have a better feel of life. after the debacle i had in the 1st year of my bachelors i am highly apprehensive in going one step further with someone. i have always limited my crushes and attractions to make me feel interested to work upon my self rather than to say something to them.

but, sometime one does not know what these feelings can do . caring for people close to me is the biggest thing i love to do. i hate letting go people around me and make a decent effort in having a long term establishment of everlasting relationship. i believe my valuation for relation comes from the fact that i lost someone so close and so early in my life . So , i do get possesive about certain people i admire and care for.
One thing in this world really interests me that how a compatibility is formed between certain people of different behavioral traits all together. how do people control themselves so as to accomodate other people. It is surely very exciting and yet can be painful for the people who are dominating by nature. life is really made up of lot of balances and God has taken a special care in making lot of traits which can balance out so many things automatically.
Another point which amazes me the fact that how does the nature changes when someone tries to get close to people. We have always seen that more care presented by a person for the other person results in anticipation from the other person to take things for granted. In those situations, the real worth of care and love is not felt by people who are the acceptor of this ultimate feeling. Its a seen fact that people by showing a intense interest in someone for a while and then deliberately they pull thier hands away leads the other person to feel the pinch and more often than not it works in favour of the person who started to get closer to the acceptor. the anticipation of recieving love and care all the time can make these people feel uncomfortable when they no longer recieve it. That is the beauty of life where one needs to be a bit manipulative and smart enough to make other person realize that you need to come to me now.

I have always wished that world can be a place where the feelings and emotions are shown bt the right people towards those people who understand and value their love. It feels bad for someone who gets some intense feelings for a person but the response is usually not appreciative. This can be hurting to anyone in the world and can let to lot of trouble for both the people.

Another thing which haunts me is the fact that people are so flexible with thier feelings for someone. they find some special, apporach them, convince about their love and suddenly after few days they realize that the feelings may not be that intense as it was earlier felt. This is again very agonizing for the person who has given everything to compliment the relationship